I honestly can't believe I am saying this, but I am ready to go back to school. I am actually tired of sleeping in and not doing anything. I pray for these opportunities during the semester...and now I'm like "Yeah, so I'm bored..." I have also managed to completely throw my sleep pattern out of whack which would explain why I am posting at 4:20 in the morning. I found out my rotation for next semester starts in Peds and I end in OB. I'm pretty excited about that, and I like my new clinical group (I think, lol).
On a more serious note, I was reading one of my favorite blogs Minority Midwifery Student and she always manages to make me think. I think of all the times I turn my head at blatant ignorance or all of the ways I convince myself that I am being too paranoid or sensitive. At times I ignore things because I am lazy. I don't want to take the time, energy or emotion to explain reality to people that I feel I can never get through to. Other times I ignore things because I am selfish. I don't want to constantly feel uncomfortable or isolated or in fact make other people feel that way. I am a firm believer in just because its easy doesn't mean its right. However, easy is easier than right. I feel stressed. And I know STRESS is real. Diseases related to stress are real. Racism that leads to stress that leads to diseases related to stress are real. No matter how far people think we have come it is just some sort of pacifying thought to let them be able to sleep at night knowing their ancestors raped and enslaved my ancestors. But that was a long time ago right? No it was not. The Tuskeegee experiments didn't end until the 1970s. I did not know this until this year and it hit so close to home I cried. They could have experimented on my daddy, or my granddaddy...how can I not feel that stress. More importantly, why is it so hard for them, those holding the white privilege, to feel this stress? Its like talking to a brick wall. A very tall, very wide, very expansive brick wall. Again I am tired and drained just thinking about it all.
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2 comments:
hi. i found your blog via a comment you left on sagefemme's blog post about race & healthcare. i'm on my way to becoming a doula (both post partum and birth/ labor) & thought it'd be cool to reach out to other black women who're entering the field. perhaps you'd like to read my blog (click on my profile, it's called incredible juju)? at any rate, i wish you the most success with your studies & career. peace.
I relate with your emotions and thoughts about this....about laziness, and selfishness, and about the friggin brick wall. I understand. We can't spend all of our time fighting it out, we get tired, too. And we're entitled to studying, learning, without always being on the defensive. Do the best you can, and give yourself credit for just that!
Much love in this new year, I hope you're enjoying break!!!
LP
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