Dissatisfaction

Lately my main reassuring thought is "It could be worse." The more I think that, the sadder I realize it is. I have rarely depended on other people for my happiness, rarely depended on others for much of anything really. However, it can be sad and very difficult to have little to no expectations for people or situations. At the same time, it is so much easier to expect nothing and be pleasantly surprised than raising expectations and getting hurt over and over. I am not sure if this specific to anyone person or situation, it just "is". I know I am blessed, I know I am gifted so what right do I have to not be happy? So, I will continue to play an extremely happy person on tv. And no matter how dissatisfied or blah I feel, I will always resolve to saying "It could be worse."

Summer Semester

So after having a whopping 4 days off, summer semester is in full swing (as of April 28). I am proud to say I have gone to every class this semester. Yea me! Anyhow, I have just gotten off of my OB/GYN rotation and it left quite a bit to be desired. This rotation has just confirmed my fears of having a baby in a hospital. One of my clients in L&D wanted to have an intervention free delivery and came in with a very specific birth plan. My favorite comment made amongst the multitudes of derogatory comments made was "If she doesn't want our help she should have never came here." I was thinking wow these nurses sure are using the term "help" loosely. I had to hold my tongue quite a bit as to not jeopardize the relationship with this floor and the school of nursing and failing clinical, but I was livid. What was the point of bad mouthing this family? How was she making anyone's job more difficult? Just because she was so called "different" does not give anyone the right to talk about someone so meanly. It was just plain mean and wrong.

My sister recently had a baby. She was induced at 39 4/7 weeks. She called me to tell me she was being induced and I immediately became concerned because she had a bout of eclampsia with her last baby. She then proceeded to tell me she was tired of being pregnant so her doctor was going to induce her. Wow. My sister that thinks she wants to be a midwife is willingly subjecting herself to an unnecessary intervention. And then gets mad at me because I tell her I think it is a bad idea. Blah, blah, blah many hours and much pitocin later her labor "stalls" and she is given the option of an epidural or a c-section. Epidural it was. On a positive note at least she got to rest and still have a vaginal delivery. I was just frustrated because this is her third baby and she did not have an epidural with the last baby, so she knew she could do it; what changed her mind? Why did she not trust her body to go into labor naturally? Why did her doctor even offer an induction? I guess I just don't get it. But if that is the experience she wanted then I am happy for her and I thank God that her and my niece are healthy and home. I am working on being supportive without letting my bias get in the way, it is just very hard for me at times.

On another note, all I have left now is bootcamp and the NCLEX. Bring it on!!! Then I will no longer be a nursing student, but a midwifery student. So close, so close 56 days to be exact (not that I am counting). Okay, enough procrastinating off to write a paper about writing a paper (I mean that literally, sad but true).

Yea Spring Time!

Hey ya'll!!! I am back. I know I am a bad blogger but I am trying. So I have gone through another rotation: Adult. I have to admit I had the worst attitude ever going into this rotation. But it quite honestly was the best experience I have had yet. My instructor was absolutely more committed to learning than to paperwork. And I feel like we learned more in this rotation than in any other. I know my instructor does not read this blog, but if she were to stumble upon it I would love for her to know how much I LOVE JB. I also found a floor that I would love to work on as an RN. Surprisingly it is on the burn unit. The nurses cared about eachother and the patients and really had a great demeanor. I would sign up to work there any day. So in summary I loved my adult rotation. Now I am onto OB/GYN.

On another note, I am kinda disappointed in my work ethic this semester. I have been ridiculously LAZY. I did not study. I did not go to class. I did not try. I need to have more pride in my career even though I don't plan on working as an RN I still need to have a better attitude and work ethic. The Lord has really blessed me with this opportunity to become a midwife and I am being lazy. What right do I have to behave this way? I have excuse after excuse, but really I am just lazy and need to step it up. Soooooo....it is my goal to go to every class and spend one hour each day going over material outside of class. I want to be the best I can be, I mean in real life I am going to be taking care of patients and their babies, I would hate to have to explain that I missed a diagnosis because I skipped class to get a mani/pedi. So for this summer semester which starts tomorrow, my charge is to step up my game.

On to psych

So Peds was not my favorite, but I had the best instructor ever. He really let us do a lot of hands on interventions and be pretty autonomous. It is definitely not for me, but again I really appreciate those who can work with the kiddies. Glad I don't have to do this again.

Now I am in psych. Lets start with the positive: 1. very personable instructor 2. short days 3. really, really interesting 4. lunch is really good. Now with the less than positive: 1. can be very boring 2. psych hospital is very dreary 3. I feel so uncomfortable 4. the nurses hate students, patients, their jobs in general (makes for a great learning environment). I will be fine if I never have to work in area ever again.

My posts are rather dry now a days and that is so appropriate to how I feel about school at this point. Kinda blah. I just want to take the NClex and move on to my specialty year. But at this juncture, I feel like every class I take is a waste of my time and I would rather be doing anything else than listen to these people talk about things I could care much less about. Please just let me get to my women's health and midwifery classes. I constantly find myself not paying attention in class or on the internet or blogging rather than working on an assignment I have due tuesday. I really am just tired of being in school. I don't know how I am going to make it though another 2 years. I can and I will, I just really don't want to. If anyone can send me some motivation please do so, I have no money but I can cook and sew so just holla at your girl. Okay bed time. My effort is to blog a little more than once a month.

Peds...Not so much

I am giving it the benefit of the doubt, but I am pretty sure I do not like Peds... Kids are kinda icky. Like nose picking, snot and booger eating, hand licking, super contagious carrying little people icky. And it is ridiculously difficult to see their adorably sticky faces grimace in pain. Plus, there is a huge communication barrier. However, I may grow to love it. Grow kinda like all those germs and bacteria on the hands of my new patients.

P.S. For any family reading this, yes, I do want children someday...right after I buy stock in wet ones and antibacterial products.

Let it go!

I usually hate getting forwards and often delete them before reading, but something told me to read this particular email the other day. It was written by T.D. Jakes and entitled "Let It Go!"

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.

I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.

And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.

And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

Stop Begging people to stay! .

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life,

Then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you .

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you! U have a bad attitude.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......

LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed .........

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......

LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.

GOD is doing a new thing for 2008!!!

LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. Think about it, and then .

LET IT GO!!!

"The Battle is the Lord's!"

This applies to too many aspects of my life...I hope this could touch you too.

Happy New Year!!

New Year's Resolutions

1. Sit wherever I want in class.
2. Stop eating because I am bored.
3. Eat breakfast everyday.
4. Look at my notes after every class.
5. Workout at least 4x a week.
6. Like myself and don't apologize for it.
7. Don't let other people ruin my day.

Happy New Year y'all!