Break Is Too Long...

I honestly can't believe I am saying this, but I am ready to go back to school. I am actually tired of sleeping in and not doing anything. I pray for these opportunities during the semester...and now I'm like "Yeah, so I'm bored..." I have also managed to completely throw my sleep pattern out of whack which would explain why I am posting at 4:20 in the morning. I found out my rotation for next semester starts in Peds and I end in OB. I'm pretty excited about that, and I like my new clinical group (I think, lol).

On a more serious note, I was reading one of my favorite blogs Minority Midwifery Student and she always manages to make me think. I think of all the times I turn my head at blatant ignorance or all of the ways I convince myself that I am being too paranoid or sensitive. At times I ignore things because I am lazy. I don't want to take the time, energy or emotion to explain reality to people that I feel I can never get through to. Other times I ignore things because I am selfish. I don't want to constantly feel uncomfortable or isolated or in fact make other people feel that way. I am a firm believer in just because its easy doesn't mean its right. However, easy is easier than right. I feel stressed. And I know STRESS is real. Diseases related to stress are real. Racism that leads to stress that leads to diseases related to stress are real. No matter how far people think we have come it is just some sort of pacifying thought to let them be able to sleep at night knowing their ancestors raped and enslaved my ancestors. But that was a long time ago right? No it was not. The Tuskeegee experiments didn't end until the 1970s. I did not know this until this year and it hit so close to home I cried. They could have experimented on my daddy, or my granddaddy...how can I not feel that stress. More importantly, why is it so hard for them, those holding the white privilege, to feel this stress? Its like talking to a brick wall. A very tall, very wide, very expansive brick wall. Again I am tired and drained just thinking about it all.

I'm back and I'm alive...

Yeah so I kicked some nursing school butt this semester. Finals are over and I did rather fine if I do say so myself. Rumor has it that this was the hardest semester, so I am really excited for next semester. We start out in OB "YEA!!!" Enough about school though, I am sure I will have plenty to elaborate on next semester.

I get commissioned on Tuesday. Not sure what to expect but I am hoping for something small and quick, lol. I am just so excited to get my ID and all the military discounts, sad but true. I would really like to actually go and shadow an Air Force midwife, I just wonder how everything really works. Is there shift work, or how does on call work and what is it like having this career with children...you know blah, blah, blah. Anyhow, can you believe Christmas is less than 10 days away! I am trying to sneak and get Q something nice for Christmas. It snuck up so fast!!! Not much more to say so I'll talk to you later.

Wow its December...

This semester has flown...I only have 1.5 more weeks of school. I am really excited to do nothing let me say! I have done well this semester so there really is no stress over exams except that which I put on myself. With that said, lets talk about self pride. If you want to be a quality women's health provider, why would you skip out on a free conference (that by the way was part of our clinical hour requirements) specifically related to OB/GYN. No we are not MDs, nor are we planning to be, but we have to be aware of them and their practices in order to facilitate our patients in making the most informed decisions possible. Without sounding judgmental, I feel that some of my classmates' behavior was irresponsible and just plain lazy; if we had to be at the hospital, everyone would have shown up. I mean do you really want to be a good provider? It is imperative that we are on top of the most current practices so that we can offer or choose not to offer the same newest evidence based practices to our patients. Just to finish off my rant, I will be damned if I feel comfortable letting someone that doesn't study for exams or come to class or even remotely seem competent practice a pap smear on me. Its not going to happen, and if you ask, I will tell you that is why I don't want you poking around in my vagina. Damn that and have a nice day thank you very much!

So, I haven't even started Christmas shopping yet...I am clearly on a strict budget so looking for good deals is vital. I plan on doing quite a bit of sewing and getting my Martha Stewart on. I hope everyone likes their gift (if not at least pretend to, lol). I am trying to figure out something for my sister in laws ages 20 and 22 that doesn't cost a lot. Any ideas let me know. I am also trying to hunt down an old school Nintendo with Mario and Duck Hunt for the husband. He has really been great and supportive this semester so I want to surprise him again without breaking the bank. Anyhow, I will be able to write more since school will be out soon...take care everyone as your semesters are coming to an end...

Still kickin...

Don't worry I am still alive...I made it through a terrible week and got barely above average grades to show for it. Don't even care enough to talk about it...

Clinicals have been quite an experience. I was expecting this to be the best rotation ever and I pray to God that it is not. I am on the OB/GYN floor, so I thought "Yea! Pregnant women and their babies!" and all I have gotten is hysterectomies and cancer. How depressing is it to see all these women in labor or wheeling their babies back to their room and I am taking care of a 60 yo terminal cancer patient. Poor me, but more importantly poor patient, at least this rotation is up in two weeks, but this poor woman is going to die. It is rather depressing. Can't wait til it is over.

I have a MUCH needed week off from school, in which I will be traveling to my family in New Jersey's house. 14 hours of fun!!! Anyhow I am excited to see everyone and to go shopping...and to be away from school. I am going to get some rest before we hit the road, but hopefully I will have some good pics to share when I get home. Happy Holidays!!!

Hell Week

This week is nuts!!! But I am blogging therefore it has not killed me yet! Here's the schedule get ready to laugh this is hysterical (or so I keep telling myself to keep from crying again):
Monday: business as usual 3 classes 8-3
Tuesday: Math Test, 2 classes
Wednesday: Hardest Pharm test of semester
Thursday: Clinical 9-6
Friday: Clinical 6-2:30
Saturday: HEHI exam, POC due
Monday: Group Paper Due
Tuesday: 8 page paper due
So the good news so far is that I got a much need 100% on the math test, the Pharm Test was not as bad as I thought it would be so hopefully that means I did well, and we can finalize the group paper Sat. Now all I have to do is figure out how to take care of a patient while studying for my HEHI exam...hmmm...probably not a good idea. Everything else is smooth sailing...Thanksgiving Break then back for exams. This semester is flying!

Sometimes the doctor orders a good cry...

Around week 2, the director of our program said that around week 5 and 6 people start having melt downs. Week 5 passed, I was cool. Week 6 passed, still nothing. I should have known that my stubbornness would delay my breakdown to week 10. It is Sunday night before my "hell" week and instead of doing more much needed studying, I am going to go into the office turn off the lights and proceed to cry. I feel as though I don't have a grasp on anything right now. I am not adding any help financially to the house and at this time of year (holiday purchases, holiday travel) this is not good. Are we hurting no, but am I tired of my husband making references to th e fact that I could/should have kept my old job for another year (not that there aren't times when I don't miss getting waxed and getting my hair done every other week), YES. So, he's grumpy, I'm grumpy; I just wish I could fix it. Is it possible to have a sparkling clean house, fit back into my size 6 jeans (w/o loss of circulation to my brain), look half-way fashionable, cook for my husband, fit in sex, get good grades, and not be addicted to some sort of performance enhancing drug? I didn't think so. That cool, now if you will excuse me, I am going to pretend its my party and choose to cry because I want to...You would cry too if grad school happened to you!

P.S. I did pass all my check off's.

That's Lt. Baby Catcher!

Applause, cheering, jumping with exitement...keep it coming ladies and gentlemen, because I got the scholarship!!!! The USAF picked me. In a few weeks, I will be 2nd Lt. Harris. Then in 6 semesters, I will be a midwife. I have to keep reminding myself of these things so that I can keep a positive attitude even when I think what I am doing is dumb. Okay, off to study! Just thought I would let you know.